Seeking and Finding

Meeting new people can be an awkward thing in any circumstance, but even more so when you're essentially interviewing (or being interviewed by) someone for potential entry into a training group. Like a job interview, or even a date, things can seemingly go very well, only for one or the other person to decide that the fit just wasn't right. Sometimes they'll tell you, other times you'll never hear from them again; and either way, you're left to wonder why (unless, of course, they tell you--a rarity, though not an impossibility). 

There are many ways to approach bringing people in to the craft. Not everyone runs a training group or Outer Court; I've heard of groups that simply meet socially with prospects for however long it takes all parties to determine whether the person will be brought in or not. I recall someone once saying (I'm paraphrasing here) that their task was to throw out all the reasons why someone wouldn't want to be initiated, while another said they would rebuff an inquiry two or three times just to test the petitioner's determination. I personally like the idea of chance meetings that turn to friendship and a gradual interest in joining the coven, but perhaps that's just my romantic side. We have had chance meetings lead to initiations before, and that's generally worked well, but we've also had people who sought us and were interviewed who came to be long-term coveners, so I can't say for certain which way is best. The roads which lead people to a particular group are just as varied and convoluted as those that sometimes lead them away to another coven, another tradition, another spiritual path entirely. 

So many factors figure in to making a good magickal working relationship possible. Some are social: most people tend to gravitate toward their own demographic cohorts, and away from anything too far outside those parameters. Some are personal: similar personality types, senses of humor, even political leanings and sexual/relational preferences can come into play. And then there are the intangibles, what you might call energy or chemistry or synergy: it's impossible to wholly define them, but they exist, and when they're off, you know it, and you ignore it to your peril. (Ask me how I know.)

I pulled a card before meeting the most recent seeker who approached us; the meeting went well, lasted a good while, seemed productive and positive, and ended with an email saying they didn't think it would be a good fit. While it didn't break my heart, it was disappointing, but I'll take upfront disappointment any day over the alternative of spending months working with someone only to have them depart, particularly if the departure is acrimonious. It's all part of the very glamorous job of coven leader, one among the many things you sign on for all unawares while upholding that promise you made to keep the craft alive. One of the first things we learn is that this particular path isn't for everyone; maybe sometimes my job really is to help people determine what it is they don't want.